Well I went MIA again

   I had intended on doing several blog post about several things but again LIFE. Last Sunday the 23rd I was feeling kinda off all day and then that night my blood pressure shot up and I felt just like I did when I had postpartum eclampsia almost 3 years ago . 

 Ambulance took me to the hospital where we sat waiting to get in from like 8 at night till 2:30 am because ya know covid and all. Then they decided to admit me but I didn't get a hospital room till like 11:30 that night. 😳 I guess you're asking what happened.  Well we still kinda are too but it was a thyroid storm or very close to one. I'm usually hypothyroid and have Hashimotos but my medicine we assume caused me to go hyperthyroid and look like I have Graves disease. 

  Also while all the test were being run a nodule was found on my thyroid and because of the size it was thought to be cancer. But praise the Lord it was benign. I am home now and recovering. The adjustment to the blood pressure meds has been HARD to say the least. And we will now be going to a new endocrinologist.  Nobody has ever really been able to regulate me but maybe he can. 

  This episode brought up a lot of PTSD about after I had my last baby and all I went though with the eclampsia. God must not be done with me yet. He knows my family needs me. My husband has been wonderful through it all. ❤ I've done a lot of resting and intend to take care of myself for awhile but cannot wait to get back to organizing the house like I started doing. We would still covet your prayers for my recovery and for knowledge for how to proceed so we never have to go through this again. 

( This was a super brief overview and I left out a few things.  It has been a rough time.) I added a picture of how I got everything ready this morning to do a little school with the kids. Something I can do from the couch. 😉 

You Can Be Who You Are AND A Good Mom

   First I wanna say sorry I kinda went MIA. We got the big C word the week before Christmas and well let's just say it threw my husband and I for a loop. 

  Anyhow, let's get back on topic. I have been wanting to write this for a VERY long time but never enough time to just sit down and do it. But, I'm gonna do it even if it takes me days to write out. 

  When I first became a mom I was 16!( Looking at my kids around that age I feel how my mother must of felt.) But everything I did from that day on was what I thought best for my children.  Has it always been right? No, but as parents we know there are no instructions on how to raise these kids. I had a very horrible experience with being a first time mom for MANY reasons but my children have always been viewed as a blessing. My first pregnancy was twins at 16 and their sister came almost 2 years later. 

  As time went on and I married my sweet husband we added more kids(10 more to be exact). And I poured myself into all my kids. When my 3 older ones were just in 1st and 3rd grade we pulled them out of public school and started homeschooling and never looked back. I lost myself somewhere along the way. Especially when we joined a church where the woman were taught as mothers you act a certain way so God will love you. So I tried to be that woman for my husband and my children.  But it wasn't really me.

  Not until after having our last and almost not making it did I wake up and say to myself stop being what everyone else wants you to be and just be you! I no longer follow rules but rather personal convictions. I'm sure I'm frowned upon by some but that's ok. I only have to answer to God and my husband.  The freedom I feel is intense at times.  I just wanna be myself. So yes, you might see me driving my jeep jamming to some music with a beat that you don't really approve of. But don't say oh my gosh she's a mom she shouldn't be acting like that. Say, you go girl, live this life. And there are other things I'm sure others would look down on and that's ok. I love the Lord. I love my children and am in absolute love with their daddy. But I'm gonna be who I am, tattoos, piercings,  and all. 

  You are a good mom ESPECIALLY if you're teaching them that being yourself is ok. We don't have to hid who we are!!!!