Heartbroken but Blessed

I don't even know where to start on this blog post. But I do feel it is important for me to write. We were expecting our 13th child, actually we have several more angel babies we've lost very early. But this time was different. A couple weeks we went for an ultrasound and saw a baby with a heartbeat and also saw a fairly large subchoronic hemorrhage.  Baby was smaller and heartbeat a little slower than expected but no biggie I was early yet.
         2 weeks or so have passed and we went back Monday to check on the subchoronic hemorrhage. Boy, did we pray it would be gone. As soon as ultrasound started we saw hemorrhage was still there. I'm a mother to 12 so I know what a ultrasound is supposed to look like. Baby looked smaller and there was no heartbeat. Baby should of been around 8-9 weeks but measured 6.
     So here I am trying to take care of my family but knowing anytime now I will start miscarrying. I have had so many emotions I cannot even begin to understand. Yes, I've been mad at God. There I said it. But I'm not so much anymore. I know there are reasons why things happen and things like this are part of living in a fallen world. God has shown me much grace during this time. My husband has been wonderful. I cannot begin to tell you how supportive he's been.
       Many friends and family have reached out. And a sweet  family  whom we love dearly brought us supper last night and sat and talked with us. But i have gotten comments like at least you have all those kids. And yes!!! That is absolutely true . I am richly blessed and I realize some women can never have kids. I do know I'm blessed but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean my heart was not crushed when I go from seeing a heartbeat to no heartbeat. And I know SOME who say well maybe you should stop having kids. Well, Billy and I gave our lives over to the Lord many years ago. Just because things aren't going oura way lately is not the time to say oh okay , I will take it out of God's hands and put it in mine!!! We committed to trusting the Lord whole heartedly even when our hearts break.
     Plus I think it's hard because I feel my body is failing me!!! I have Hashimotos, hypothyroidism,  my adrenals are shot, and my gut health isn't so good but I intend to work strictly on that. I'm a mom tho, have been since I was 16. And I know I'll always be a mom but I didn't realize how getting older would effect me. Since about 4 or so years ago I've had many miscarriages. But never seeing a heartbeat, then not. This one is just different. I would really covet your prayers in the days to come.

Psalm 34:18-20 (NIV)

18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

Exciting News!!!!!

I just joined with Scentsy about a month ago and I absolutely love it! So, please contact me for all your Scentsy needs. I had no idea all the things Scentsy had to offer and hope to share those soon. In the meantime go to my website and look around and maybe even place a order. Contact me if you would like to do a party for have questions.
https://tiffanyballard.scentsy.us/

Never Say Never With Labor and Birth

 As I said in my last post we welcomed our 12th baby in December. What a blessing she is. She weighed 7 lbs 13 ounces and we named her Josie Joy.
        When talking about my babies I've always said I've never made it to my due date. Well that's was before my 11th child. My last baby was 10 days over and we just thought that was a fluke since I've had so many and never even made my due date. So were we ever surprised when this tiny bundle was 8 days overdue. Babies sure have a mind of their own and while I was miserable God knows the exact time they need to be born.
         Then I said I'd never ever have a baby in the water. Lol! This 12th baby was born in my bath tub. I decided last minute I couldn't do it unless I was in the water. I think my husband thought I was crazy when I said I wanted to have her in the bath. But my midwife and husband listened and in the bath we went. I don't really know what happened this time. I just second guessed myself and just felt like something telling me it had to be in the water. So our Josie Joy was born in our bath tub. Not sure I'd do it again but I really am super glad and thankful I listened to my body ( and God).
          This baby has also been the first one to have thrush and a tongue tie. I've had strep. This recovery has been hard to say the least. But I wouldn't trade her for anything. While she is a fussy baby she is also such a JOY! But I say all this to encourage women to never say never with labor and delivery. To LISTEN to your body. And to be thankful for each blessing that comes your way. :)
    Here are some pics after her delivery.

Don't forget about your husband!

I hope to change the picture on my blog soon to a more updated one as well as update information.  We just welcomed our 12th child in December while it's been filled with bumps in the road I can say it's been filled with much joy. Anyway, back to what's on my heart.

         Ladies, our most important job as homemakers is to raise our kids well , to be a good keeper at home. But first we need to love our husbands well. I am no expert on this, in fact I fail miserably but this is something big on my heart. All to often we get caught up in the day to day and things get stagnant.  We think he should know we love him. I mean we clean the house, wash his clothes, have his children so shouldn't he know we love him. Well not really.

       First and foremost we should pray daily for our husbands. Times are hard. Especially for men. They are hit at ever turn and it's super hard for Christian men these days. Praying for him is so important. Along with that goes encourage him. Even when you don't feel like it, even when you need encouragement yourself. 

      Show him you love him. Tell him. Write him letters. Be open and honest with him. Give him little gifts.  Remind him he's your number one. Above and beyond just love him and serve him well. For different husbands this will look different. Putting him first will not only boost your marriage but make for a happier family. 

        Are you putting your husband first? Even  when it's hard sometimes? I'd love to hear how you love your husband well. I have vowed to pray daily for mine.