As most of you know I am 39 weeks and have been "laboring" since Tuesday. Some may call it false labor but those are the ones that have never went through this and surely do not know how I am feeling. God IS teaching me so much in all of this though so I am so happy that all this is not in vain. In all of this I have felt defeated at times and like I just could not go on and God used someone or something to show He is still by my side. We have had sweet friends, which now seem more like family, that have made sure we have had all we needed and have been here whenever needed. He has used other people to bring meals, help with the kids, and just give words of encouragement. I think in all of this the Lord is showing me I HAVE to swallow my pride sometime and accept help. That is what being a part of a Christian family is all about. If you know me any at all I like things in order, things in their place, and everything neat and tidy and when things like this happen it is almost impossible for things to be that way without help.
I am also being reminded how blessed I am. I think sometimes moms of many take for granted the blessings God has given them, especially when times get hard. Being able to labor(however long) and then go on to deliver a blessing that will hopefully one day go out and spread the gospel is such a blessing. In all of this I keep going back to what sorrow I felt in experiencing the 3 miscarriages before the Lord decided to bless us with keeping this baby in the womb. I will gladly take this pain to see my little one's face!!!! As I am typing this I am having a contraction, which reminds me I am just that much closer. I am blessed and it is crazy how often we forget it.
I know I am loved. The Lord is showing me time and time again in so many ways. I a lot of times no matter what hardships I go through time and time forget to not try to rely on myself. I cannot do it alone, only with the help of the Lord. I think he uses things like this to remind us only trusting in the Lord, keeping our faith on Him, and leaning on Him can we ultimately make it in this world. He has used music lately to quite my soul and I am so appreciative of that. I had put some songs together for when I was in labor and God knew I would need them at this time!!!!
I know this will not last forever and Lord willing I will soon be holding a healthy baby boy and baby #10 will be welcomed into this family. And I also know I will be grateful for the lessons I have learned in all of this.