Being Beautifully Broken

  As I sat doing my bible study this morning my soul was at peace. This has been a rough year. Maybe a rough several years but God. God is teaching me so much through it . A lot of times I do not hear Him because I am so busy. And maybe, okay most certainly , some of the busyness is junk. Social media is a big #1 so for now Facebook is deactivated and deleted from my phone. (Which is super hard for me because I do most of my Scentsy selling from there.)


  My soul has been so heavy laden. I have been tired, y'all ( yes I am from GA where we say y'all.) Not the physical tired we usually think of. I guess physically I have been tired also since I gave birth to our 13th child almost eight months ago and had some pretty serious events take place with that. (You can read about that in several previous posts).  But mostly I have been broken hearted, soul crushing tired. Sometimes God breaks us , sometimes He has to so that He can get our attention.


  I see God doing such a work in my life. And the lives of my husband ( which I pray for daily) and my children (which I also pray for daily).  I am so grateful for the peace I felt this morning. It was raining and nasty outside but The Son shone brightly for me this morning. I can see why things have gotten so chaotic for me. I have been so busy that I have spent time with my precious Lord ONLY when I could fit it in. No wonder I have felt so lost!!!!! I do not take the time during the day to just breathe. To soak up the sound of my babies laughing , older ones talking , birds chirping outside. I have been letting it all fly by.


  I am thankful for the work the Lord is doing in me and my family. I could do without the pain, heartache, soul crushing tiredness, and feelings of being lost but if that is what it takes then break me , Lord!! He has lifted me up from the bottom of the pit and rained so much grace down on me. He has never given up on me. Not for one second. Even when I have wanted to give up on myself. I ask that everyone reading this take a look at your life. What can you cut out? What hinders your relationship with you family.  What most importantly hinders your precious time with God?


 I would ask that you pray for me. I need to work through a lot of emotions that I have not yet processed but I know God has big plans for my family. And that He isn't done with me just yet!!!!

Flexibility and Memories

Okay, I'll admit going anywhere with our kiddos is work! You have to make sure everyone has what they need. And then like today a million life jackets, towels, somewhere to lay baby, changes of clothes, etc.... etc...

  Today is a school day for my kids. But, for their sanity and mine P.E. today was with friends AT THE LAKE. Wow, how getting outside and by the water with sweet friends will lift your spirits. That's where the flexibility comes in! I thought and thought over it. Talked myself out of it and then thought isn't that 1 of the million reasons you homeschool? Flexibility!! So, today we rearranged school to be AFTER lunch. Getting little man to sleep now and then it's on for school. But speaking of that I have olders helping some younger ones write their names as we type this.

And back to all that work that goes into just a trip like that. You  have to load and unload, then there's the extra laundry BUT there are also the special memories and relationships being built. Friends are important.  

I don't want my kids to miss the beauty God has created. I don't want life to be mundane for them. I want them to know their mama will put in the extra work because they are important to me!! And while we are talking about it this baby adores outside, the water, everything about being around the water!

So! Choose Joy in your journey and include flexibility and memories along the way. 

Homeschooling encouragement

Now I realize homeschool laws are different everywhere and homeschooling in certain states is harder but by talking with online friends from all over I do believe relaxed homeschool can be accomplish most anywhere.

   I have been homeschooling kiddos for  around 12-13 years now. I have graduated 3 from homeschooling and I consider all 3 successful. Homeschooling has caused me more stress than I care to talk about. But God! He is showing me step by step what homeschool is supposed to be. At least for our family.

   I talk with people all the time who hate sending their kids to public school or just want to keep them home with them. But when I say you should homeschool. They usually have the same reaction. I don't have the patience. Well, wanna know a little secret! Most homeschooling moms do not either including myself. Homeschool teaches the parent just as much. Prayer life is much more because you are asking God to help you not lose your marbles. Lol, just kidding. Well, not really. Some days really do have you leaning on Jesus. I would hate to try to homeschool without my faith. Anyhow!

   The biggest thing God is teaching me is my homeschool doesn't have to look like anyone else's.  I don't have to compare myself to anyone else. A wise woman once told me to not worry about what I get in, God will fill in the gaps. While I nervously laughed at that, I think it was some of the best advice I was ever given. Another thing that I believe God is teaching me is to put the most important first. God's word is the most important. If they get that and nothing else they are better off than many in this world. I am going to try something new when we start back September . I am gonna have a morning basket but am gonna tweak it to our family. I am thankful I have a God that loves me so much He directs me. It has caused me to relax a bit. And I hope it helps my kids love learning because for a while our homeschooling has been rough!

   To all the homeschool moms out there. You got this!!! Your homeschool doesnt have to look like anyone else's.  And to the moms wanting to try homeschooling take the leap. You got this also....with God's help. ;)

How to Not Come Unglued

  While this post comes because I am reading the book Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst , it also stems from what God is doing in my life!! God is really teaching me to make wise choices even when my emotions are high. Right now I'm dealing with lots of emotional stuff and I could easily snap at everyone and everything around me!!! But that doesn't shine the light of Christ! The One who saved me from death!

    Raw emotions can come out of nowhere and run us over like a Mack truck!! They can ruin our day, ruin relationships, and ruin our life if we let them. God gave us emotions to allow us to feel as we experience life. We just have to keep our emotions in check!!! Wanna know who use our emotions against us? Yep! The devil. He sure has used them against me many times and will continue to do so if I let him!. But little does he know I'm working on strategies to ask God to help me with my raw emotions. Hahaha! Take that devil.

    In Lysa's book one thing that stuck out to me that is my heart's cry is this- Oh God, chisel me. I don't want to be locked in my hard places. Wow...just wow!!
We are God's workmanship. Do not check in with the screaming demands of the world before you exchange whispers with God.

  Satan loves it when we do his work for him by dumping on each other!! Boy, isn't that the truth. This is exacting why I want God to mold me , chisel me into someone who can control my emotions. To show grace as much as possible. To not come unglued at every annoying thing. To be steady in our emotions and remember we may be the only piece of God someone sees. That's enough for me. We have enough hatefulness in this world. Let's be salt and light.

Bad Mom Day

  As I'm sitting here folding my mounds of laundry I was thinking of how bad mom days are kinda like the redemption we receive from Christ.

   Let me tell you! Yesterday was a bad day. My 4 year old and 5 year old were so bad yesterday. I mean worse than any of my kids have ever been. The day was full of yelling, tantrums,  and frustration.  And that was not just by the kids. I went to bed last night totally feeling defeated!!

  Then the morning came! Today is like the grace God shows us. I talked with said kids about yesterday and they were truly sorry! They have been so respectful this morning, more than willing to help. As the saying goes tomorrow is a new day is so true, mamas!

  I want to encourage you that we will have bad mom days but kids forget really quickly about momzilla! They , like us as moms, are forgiving. So I say if you're having a bad mom day grab you some coffee, tea, whatever you drink and hit your knees. God gives so much grace and he does hear our prayers.

  And don't feel embarrassed or like you have to hide bad days. Find a friend, a true friend, to vent( whine) to. I have a very special online friend I can do that with that won't say well you wanted all those kids or something like that. Just because I have a bad day doesnt mean I love my kids any differently than I did on the good days. And that I wouldn't be grateful for more(even though my husband has a vasectomy).

   Mama, you got this! God gave YOU these children. They do not need a perfect mom and I think the bad days teach the kids about redemption and grace. Have a blessed, God filled day! And love those kiddos.❤

I'm ok

    Is this what you hear when you ask your friend how they are doing? Seriously. This is our usual response on how we are doing. Even when we are not ok. But in our society we have to have it all together. Especially on social media. Wonder why so many people are committing suicide? Because everyone else seems to have it so much better and all together than they do. I just saw a video of a toddler crying for her daddy. Wanna know why she was crying? Because her daddy committed suicide! He left behind a loving wife and 2 beautiful kids and tons of family that loved him. So maybe it is time to put our phones down and slow down a bit and really ask our loved ones how they are doing! And when they say, " I'm ok" , then maybe we should say no REALLY how are you doing?


   Life is tough and sometimes just plain stinkin' hard. Then you have that crafty devil lurking around all the time. Boy, can that devil fill your head with so many lies. But just know you are so loved. Even when we don't feel loved there is a God who made us who loves us beyond what we can comprehend. After all he did send his only son to die to save US! And can I just tell you that it is ok to not be OK. ( I am talking to myself here.) And I think it is time when our friends and family ask us how we are doing that we ask for prayer for the things bringing us down. We are in this together.


  Remember death was arrested and we have grace so free! Don't let that devil fill your head with lies and don't let the things of this world bog you down because this is just our temporary home. And if you are struggling and do not know Jesus Christ I would love to talk with you. I cannot imagine one day on this earth without the Lord's help and my faith getting me through. Leave me a message and I will get in touch with you.


    

Combatting depression and anxiety (especially postpartum depression)

   I have never really dealt with very bad depression. I was always the one that said you don't need that medicine. You just gotta pray and read your bible more.(Clearly I did not get how depression is like a disease.) I always viewed those dealing with it as weak or just not giving their worries to Christ. I will admit I am a worrier and have anxiety about things. I do not like change or new things. That is possibly why I had ppd after this last birth. Nothing went like I had planned!

   Sometimes I think God gives us trials to actually understand what other people go through. So we can actually be an encouragement and actually be able to sympathize with what others have and will go through. I never truly understood how horrible something like postpartum depression could be until it was me going through it. How even little things seem huge. How everything drives you crazy and sometimes you just feel like you are going to jump out of your skin. How sometimes all you can do is pray and cry out to Jesus.

    I was VERY lucky in that my husband and some nurses( one very special labor and delivery nurse to be truthful) caught my ppd after I was put back in the hospital for postpartum preeclampsia. I was put on meds that I have always said I would never take. But these were crucial to my recovery. NEVER feel guilty for getting help. Your family and your kids need you. Did you hear me! NEVER feel guilty. Many have went through it before you and many will go through it after you. And from someone who is so super hard headed NEVER quit your depression meds cold turkey! You will feel like you have the flu and are quite possibly dying. (Don't ask me how I know, yikes!)

   But this blog post is supposed to be a post on combatting depression and anxiety. First and foremost figure out your triggers. My trigger is absolutely what all I went through in my last delivery. I will one day have to work through all of it but now is not the time. But if you know your triggers ahead of time you will know that you could possibly experience depression and anxiety when faced with that trigger.  Having a good book to read has been essential for me as well as a great bible study. Praise and worship music has been one that that has actually helped me through everything I have been through the past several months. Getting outside with my kids , getting vitamin D from the sun is an absolute. And last but not least having a war room . A room I can go to and storm heavens gates !!! A place I can cry, scream, praise the Lord. A place you can escape to when life just gets too much.

   I am completely off my meds. It has been better than I expected but as the days go by somethings are really starting to bother me and I just do not really want to face them. But I know with my family and God  I will get through this and be ok. Also having godly friends that can come along side you and encourage you and make sure you are ok is very important. If you have went through this you know how lonely it can feel sometimes. Again I will repeat if you ever have to go through this NEVER quit your meds cold turkey and also rely on the Lord . After all that is where our help comes from.

   
2 Corinthians 12:9 ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

                                                   It's the little things that get us through!