The Last Baby

  Wow, I never thought I would know when it was the last baby. I always planned for it to be when God decided to close my womb. But about a week ago my husband got a vasectomy. For some I know that will be a huge shock. Okay, sometimes when I think about it is a huge shock to me too. Never thought we would do that. But life has this way of making you look back and say never say never. Easton's birth and recovery have been traumatic to say the least. And my husband felt peace with the Lord that we were done. Ask me what I feel and I am not sure. I've been told by more than one doctor if I happened to have another baby I probably wouldn't make it. So, that being said I wanna be here for my blessings that are here! For my husband. For my parents. I want to be here to fulfill God's call in my life.

      So, why blog about this? Well I do my best thinking and getting things off my chest through writing. Its therapy to me. I have been through so much the past month. I need to process it all. And I am slowly. It is hard I won't lie to you. I am not one to sugar coat things or make out like things are all wonderful. But I will be ok!!! I will!! Because I have a family who loves me, a husband who is amazing, and a God that has my back.

    But to think this is my last baby. I prayed to God during my whole pregnancy that if this was my last that it would be a wonderfully easy and peaceful homebirth. It was exact opposite of that. I have to trust God had a reason for that. I do still believe God answers prayers.  Just maybe not exactly what we would like. But I do know God wants good and not harm to come to His people. When I get mad about how my birth turned out or that I will not birth anymore babies I remind myself that God saved Easton and me during that delivery. And He was with me again during my postpartum preeclampsia when I could of very well had a seizure or stroke. For that I am grateful,  thankful, and blessed!!!

   To my last baby ! Easton, I am so thankful God let me be your mommy. That goes for all my kids. I am so richly blessed. But Easton I apologize if I hold you a bit longer . If I just stare at you a bit longer. If I cringe a little when people say you're getting so big. I look forward to seeing you grow and become who God made you to be but it's also bittersweet. It will be hard to see my last baby grow but I look forward to seeing what God has in store for Billy and I and our family. Easton you completed us!

    To my family, I'm sorry for all we have been through this past month. Especially to my husband! I know God had his reasons. Please be patient with me. It is a hard thought to realize I will never grow another human inside me. That moment you go through all that work but then see that tiny little miracle. It is priceless.

  I know this was all jumbled up and such but that is how my brain is right now. So much to process.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.