My Testimony

I grew up in a christian home all my life. My mother and father were together, I never had to suffer through the divorce of my parents or anything like that. I had a great childhood, one I am so thankful for. I went to church every Sunday with my parents and most Wendsdays. I knew Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I knew the stories you always hear in church like David and Goliath and Jonah and the Whale. I accepted the Lord in my life when I was young , probably 7 or 8. A wonderful preacher and family friend, Vel Hightower baptized me. Was I ready? Now looking back probably not.
When I hit the sixth grade I started hanging around the wrong crowd of people. The spiral started then but it went slowly. By the eighth grade I was so far away from the Lord. I started dating (being boyfriend/girlfriend) with the definate wrong guy. My parents were strict and we were not allowed to be alone but we found ways. I was sneaky and defiant. By the eighth grade I was drinking and having sex. I am so ashamed of my past but I know God has washed all those sins away. By the time I was 16 I became pregnant. Growing up like I did I thought the only thing right to do was to get married. I ended up having twin sons and being married to a very cruel person. He was never faithful and very abusive. I ended up getting pregnant again at the age of 18 while on birth control. At this point I cried out to the Lord and asked why!! Why did you allow me to go through this life. Was I being punished for my sins? After this point in my life and with the birth of my daughter , my third child I decided divorce was my only option since my husband was living with someone else and his abuse was only worse. He didn't want me which was very hard for me because I was at the point I was at because I had been searching for someone to love me. I could not understand why since I grew up in such a wonderful home I needed to feel loved, that I needed to belong. I know NOW that I was trying to fill a void that only the Lord could fill. I continued going back and forth with my ex putting my poor precious children through so much! I KNOW the Lord was with us during all of this time because I was not living a good life at all. One episode of abuse got so bad that I just knew it was the end of my life. After that was a turning point for me, not really in a good way but the point where I said I did not want to be controlled by this guy anymore and that if he killed me it was better than letting him live my life for me. So, I started partying very hard, leaving my precious children for my parents to take care of. Which so breaks my heart. Having said that I met my now husband on Febuary 10th, 2001. My life would never be the same after that.
The Lord has done so much in my life since that day of meeting my husband. For years I did not live exactly right after we got married. After suffering a miscarriage in 2001 I knew I had to change my life , we would go through spells of doing good but then I also hung around the wrong people still and was not strong in my faith. After the birth of our daughter together in 2003 my husband started a small change as well as I did. With the adoption of my 3 older children by my husband caused a bigger change in my life because I prayed so hard for it to happen without any incident and it did. But the biggest change came for me when I joined a online board called Christian Moms of Many Blessings. Amazing what God uses to wake us up. I also know my sister, brother in law, and parents had prayed so hard for me. I started talking to my husband about leaving everything to the Lord in 2007 and he was still unsure and still wrestling with somethings. But I remember not the exact date but in the year 2007 I truly gave my life to the Lord. I said okay Lord whatever you want me to do , I will. Just let me know. I asked him to please forgive me for all the wrong I had done. I started reading books, the bible, and talking with christian ladies. When my husband came back from a mens retreat with my brother in law was the total turning point in our marriage. He had always been a wonderful father and husband but he then tried so hard to be a godly husband and also said we should follow the Lord in all things.
From that year on I have done so much growing. I am still a sinner but God's grace is sufficent. I am trying to do what the Lord wants me to do. I can finally say the void in me is filled, not with people or things but only the Lord could fill that void. I am so blessed by the prayers that many said for me. I am amazed the more I grow in the Lord the more I see He was with me all those years during my suffering and I know it was not in vain but it was for a reason. To draw me to him and for me to be the person I am today. Thank you Jesus for that. The Lord has blessed me with a godly husband and so far 8 beautiful blessings. I only hope I can teach them and train them in the Lord so when they grow older they will not depart from the Truth. I only hope when I make it to heaven I hear my Savior say Well done my child.