Tell me not to be so hard on myself

okay so I need someone to tell me to quit worrying so much and being so hard on myself. I think I need to be everything to everyone all the time . I guess that is how you put it. i am always thinking am I spending enough time with my kids, am I being too hard on them, when they grow up what will they say about growing up,etc... Why do I fret so much about this. Awhile ago everyone was in the woods working with dh on the deer stand except me and the two youngest ones. The baby got to fussing so I put our 1 yr old in the pack and play for him to play while I tended to the baby. Well then I got to feeling bad because he was in the pack and play. Even when he is happily playing in there , I think wow I have him locked up in jail just to help me. why do I stress myself out like that???? I have 7 kids and I do spend most days time with each and every one of them more than I can say sometimes about some people with 1 or 2 kids but I just sometimes worry do they get enough of me. Anyway, I know this sounds like alot of rambling but I just had to get this out or I would bust. Thanks for listening to me . God bless

a Day in the Life of me :)

Well my dh took our oldest daugther to play golf , which so makes me happy that he takes time with our kids. She loves to go with him.
Anyway so far while they have been gone I have gotten alot done. I have did laundry, made pumpkin bread(the little ones even helped), did my my devotions this morning(makes me feel so much better during the day),played with babies, got our one yr old down for nap and he is back up and just got our 2 yr old down for nap(wished they would nap at the same time). Got some bills taken care of,bottles and sippy cups washed, plenty of diaper changes, baby fed twice-lol. Now I sit here, I just emailed a friend and am not blogging. When I am done blogging I am gonna let the older boys go play in the woods while I play with our 1 yr old and hope to have some time with him , baby girl should be up soon though. Then I hope to spend some one on one time with our 6 yr old daugther although we had a good time making the pumpkin bread this morning. We talked about God, why he died on the cross, about hell,and such. It totally threw me off guard because she said I do not want anyone to go to hell , not even the bad people. She said when I get older I am gonna talk to them and tell them that Jesus died for them. But she said in the most innocent voice, I won't get too close though because they might hurt me. Wow, what our kids understand and how smart they are. HOw much they actually absorb. I totally think she is ready to be baptised. She has been asking but didn't think she was ready but after all she told me this morning about Jesus dying on the cross for us because he loved us and so we could be with him in heaven when we die, I totally think she is ready. Wow, I totally got off of what I was talking about but it just made me so proud of her. Well, I better go little man is ready to play and getting restless. More to come later.
Me and our 2 yr old and 6 yr old making pumpkin bread! Don't look at me, I am still in my pajama's and just had a baby 2 weeks ago.

Why we have so many kids

Well... first I want to warn this may be a bunch of rambling as I am sleep deprived and there is alot going on around the house right now with 7 children . But I feel led to write this post.
First I want to say I could not be happier with the addition of our 7th blessing just a little over a week ago. She is doing well for those that are keeping up and growing everyday. I could not imagine my life any other way and thank God daily for my wonderful kids and husband. While life is not always peaches and cream around here and our kids are not always little angels like some might think it is our life and I am so thankful for each and every moment.
We have not always thought the way we do now. IN fact when I was younger I knew a couple of families that had 6 or 7 kids and though in fact the woman had lost her mind. There was just no way. And then after having my twins at age 16 my thoughts towards children slowly changed, and I do mean slowly. Especially after I got pregnant on birth control when the twins were only 13 months old. After having the twins I realized every child has a purpose and even though they may not be planned they are here for a reason. And btw- it also taught me not to judge others because we all fall and all make mistakes and sin.... that is a different story. Then when I met my prince charming and we got married I promised he that we would have one or two more children(he adopted my first three, maybe a story for another time). After having our darling daugther I thought she might be our last. Two girls and two boys, everyone said how perfect that was. Then we had our next child which was a son about 4 yrs later. That is around the time things started changing for us with our beliefs. We had started changing our lives more, going to church more, doing a bible study,etc..... While pregnant with my son we had decided I would get my tubes tied, then things started coming up about the side effects,etc... so we decided against that and that my husband would get a vasectomy after our son was born. When the time came for that it just did not seem right to me and I had started being led to verses of how children are a blessing and I was being led to sites where women were leaving their fertility to God and he was providing for them, it was amazing to me. So I told my husband I did not want him to get fixed and he was a bit surprised but he was even more surprised the day I told him we should leave our fertility to the Lord. He was hesitant and unsure. While he had gave his business to the Lord(he is self employed) this was a bit more scary. He went on a mens retreat and came back and was totally renewed and changed. A little bit after that he agreed we should give it to the Lord. A little bit after Christmas we found out I was pregnant again, while we were a bit shocked, scared, etc... it was a joyful surprise but we did have a 6 month old so it a bit of getting used to. Then we had our next son. Our 6th child. And everyone's favorite thing to say to us was that they hoped we were done, is that enough yet,etc... We still felt convicted and when our son was 3 months almost 4 months we found out we were expecting again. while the reactions we got were mixed we did not care, we feel like we are doing what God called us to do. We are trying to raise arrows for his glory and honor. And now the 17th of this month our beautiful baby daugther as born. I could not be happier and I do feel the Lord blessing us . NO it is not always easy but it is worth it. Do I know what the future holds, no. But I do not know I want to do what I feel convicted by the Lord to do. Society today sees children as curses, burdens, that they take up too much room, too much air, cost too much money, etc.... You hear it all. But I know my children are here for a reason each and every one of them and they all have a purpose.
It really saddens me the comments we get sometimes , people are so caught up in themselves. Makes me want to say well at least ALLLLLL my kids have manners. Some people make out like we have 40 kids, they look at us like we have two heads. WE get comments from do you own a tv to you do know what causes that don't you. It is insane. And the latest was from a assistant at my midwife's that saw me one day, she asked me if I had a brain. It used to make me really mad at the comments we would get but now I just feel so sorry for the people making them. They have no clue what a blessing children are. Anyway, I hope I made some sense and didn't just ramble. God bless you all.

Birth Story

Okay here it is. I finally hopefully have time to write it down. I went in Wendsday night because I had soooooooooooo much pressure and plenty of contractions. When I got there I had not done more changing of my cervix, still was 3 almost 4. They kept me per my midwife's instructions. My daugther was with us so she got the pull out bed thing while dh tried to sleep with 3 chairs put together, needless to say he did not get much sleep and neither did I. Anyhow, the next morning ,Thursday, my midwife came in and checked me and she said I definatly had changed from what I was that Monday. That I was 5 cm and that baby had moved even further down, I didn't think that was possible. LOL! So she broke my water at 7:30, they started my pitocin at 8:30. At around 10:30 I asked for a shot of iv pain meds. Then around 12:30 or so I said I needed to be checked, she told me I was almost 9 cm and just had a little bit of cervix left and I could start pushing if I wanted. I was thinking to myself what, already. I mean for me it usually is a all day thing for laboring. Anyhow I started pushing and at 12:46 baby Annie was born. My easiest delivery to date! The contractions this time was not bad at all and pushing did not hurt hardly at all. I did alot of praying and just got in a zone and Ithink that really helped. Prayer is a very powerful thing. She was healthy but smaller than I thought. I figured she was right at 8 pounds but she weighed in 6 pounds 15.6 ounces which they round up to 7 pounds. so there ya go.

Our new blessing

has arrived!!!!!!! She weighed in at 7 pounds and 20 inches long. she was my easiest delivery to date, which was great considering the past couple of weeks. She is so beautiful!!! It is amazing what blessings God gives us even though we do not deserve them. She is healthy . She is a pretty good baby just has her days and nights mixed up. HOpefully we will get that adjusted soon cause I am pretty exhausted. Our 2 yr old is doing great with her, he just loves his little sister. Our 1 yr old on the other hand is a bit wild and has alot of adjusting to do but hopefully that will happen soon. Of course the rest of the kids just adore her and drive me crazy asking if they can hold her. Just wanted to jump on and update. Thanks for all the prayers, thoughts , and support.

Appt. update

My
midwife said she could stretch me to 4 cm, baby is right there, she
even touched her hand when she was checking me. She said my cervix is
definately favorable so she was gonna send me to the hospital to first
break my water and then if that did not work put me on pit, but I am
sure breaking my water would of worked. But anyway the hospital would
not agree to it when she called because I am not 39 weeks yet.
Sooo.....she made me a appt for Friday morning at 10:00 at the office
to see her and she told me to have all my bags and stuff and have the
kids someone to stay with that she would send me in Friday if she had
to break my water in her office herself. She said she has no doubt
that once that happens it will not take long for baby to be born since
she is right there. She said I know you feel like you have a bowling
ball between you legs, I was like exactally. So... if I do not go
before Friday then Friday I will be put in. I should be at least 5 cm
by then, I am really hoping for NO pitocin so any suggestions would be
great. I am not gonna do castor oil though because of the meconium
thing. Anyway, that is about it.

midwife appt.

today!!! Please pray for me. IT is at 4:00.